


why do i have hard feelings?

by orphan_account



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Goth Oswald is all I need, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Unrequited Love, barely a plot, idk where I'm going with this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just as Oswald thinks he's getting somewhere with Ed, he comes out with some crushing news.





	why do i have hard feelings?

**Author's Note:**

> a little premise before i get into the fic itself;   
> oswald is 19, a highschool dropout and working some shady jobs. ed is 18, a highschool student from a shitty family  
> prior to chapter one they've gotten to know each other and oswald gained the courage to ask ed out to grab a coffee after crushing on him for months  
> tbh i was just excited to write chapter one so instead of calmly progressing this relationship chapter by chapter, let's just fucking go into the drama lmao
> 
> title & chapter names from Hard Feelings by Poppy

Oswald’s hands were positively shaking with pure excitement as he tried to line his eyes. It had probably been an hour since he started getting ready, and finally everything was finished. He threw the eyeliner into his makeup bag and walked in front of a full-body mirror, observing his reflection with a nervous click of tongue. He looked about the same as always; pale, skinny and irritated – but that was just his face. He had enhanced his usual raven locks with some purple highlights and he had put a bit more effort into his outfit than usual. A turtleneck and a t-shirt on top, black ripped jeans and a whole bunch of cheap chains from eBay. The black nail polish on his fingernails was chipped even though he had reapplied it just that morning – picking his nails was a terrible habit, and when he was especially nervous he ended up teething away the paint too.

“You have nothing to worry about, baby”, Barbara said. Oswald looked at the woman’s reflection as she lounged on his bed. “You’re pretty as hell”, she reassured with a bright smile.

“Am I, though?” Oswald swiped his hair, filled with product, anxiously. “You think he’ll like it? Like me?”

“It’s not like you to be so nervous before a date”, Barbara pointed out, tilting her head. “Come on, Nygma is like a grandpa stuck in an eighteen-year-old’s body when it comes to style. Besides, you’re just gonna grab a coffee, not go clubbing.”

“I suppose you’re right”, Oswald sighed and looked away from the mirror, facing the woman instead.

“I’m always right”, Barbara grinned and sat up properly. She had insisted on helping him get ready and all dolled up but had just ended up watching Netflix on her phone and giving useless tips like ‘be yourself’ or ‘don’t use tongue if you kiss’.

“I’ll let you know how it goes, I guess”, Oswald said, putting on his black platform sneakers. They always made him feel a little more confident, and he could really use the boost.

“Oh trust me, honey, I’ll be milking _all_ the details, want it or not”, the blonde said as she stood and put her phone inside her bra.

The cafeteria Oswald had chosen was only a fifteen-minute walk away from his home, so he arrived in his destination a little early, at 2:50pm to be exact. He decided it didn’t seem too desperate to be ten minutes early, and stepped into the café. It was quite a nice little place, although not exactly his style or preference. The only reason he had picked it was because he thought Edward would probably like the bohemian retro vibe. And, well, his friend worked in there so perhaps he could get a discount on his coffee.

He picked a table near a window in the corner of the cafeteria and sat down, trying to soothe his nerves by fidgeting with the chains on his jeans. It did nothing to calm him down, only made the girl sitting nearby look at him with an irritated expression whenever the metal clinked against the chair leg. He switched from fidgeting to trying to focus all his attention on the scenery outside the window. Nothing special to look at, really; a few sad-looking trees and a small parking lot against the grey autumn sky.

His trance was broken by a voice coming nearby. “Hey, puddin’! What can I get ya?” He turned around and looked at the waitress with messy space buns and way too much red lipstick.

“Hi, Ecco”, Oswald said and gave the woman his full attention. “I’m actually, uhh, still waiting. For a friend.”

“Ooooh! Is it the date Ivy mentioned?” Ecco questioned, leaning in with a hushed tone of voice. Oswald rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told her.”

“I’m sure it’ll go great! It’s been a while since you’ve dated anyone, hasn’t it?” Ecco was always too damn curious, yet Oswald couldn’t break her excited little heart by pushing her away. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“His name is Ed”, Oswald said quickly, automatically glancing towards the doorway to see if by some miracle Edward had just teleported there upon having his voice called. Of course, that wasn’t the case. “Ecco, I’ll call you over when I’m ready to order, okay?” He needed some alone time to prepare his heart and soul.

“Of course”, Ecco said and winked with a grin. “You’re gonna kill it, babe.”

Ecco left with a loud clatter of her high heels on the floor tiles and left Oswald in his awaited lonesome. Now that he was alone again, though, he realized how bad of an idea it had been to be alone. He kept glancing at his phone. It was five past three. That’s fine, he thought. Edward was probably just stuck in traffic. It was Friday afternoon, after all.

Fifteen past three. He was slowly starting to get worried. It wasn’t like Ed to be late, ever, at least when it came to school and stuff.

Half past three. Where the hell was he? Oswald sent him an anxious text message: _‘hey uhh i’m here, you know, at the cafe? you comin soon or?’_

Quarter to four, no answer for his text message and Edward was still nowhere in sight. Every time the bell above the door rang Oswald looked up, heart racing, only for it to turn out to be someone else. Had Ed actually ghosted him?

By four o’clock Oswald was already on the verge of tears. He buried his face in his hands, leaning heavily against the table he was sitting at, and sighed shakily. He was _not_ going to cry in public, and especially not in a coffee shop full of grandmas. He raised his head when he heard the familiar pair of high heels approaching him again. Ecco scooted right next to his table and sat on the edge of it, eyebrows knitted.

“Hey, puddin’, I’m super duper sorry but my manager said that if you’re not gonna order anything, you’re gonna have to leave. You know, the free Wi-Fi and whatever. I’m sorry”, she said, sounding truly apologetic. Oswald was thankful she didn’t mention his undoubtedly teary eyes.

“Right, sorry”, he muttered, voice sounding as rough as he felt. “I could have a coffee. The usual.”

“Comin’ right up, darling. On the house”, Ecco said, attempting to sound encouraging. She pat Oswald on the arm before getting up and rushing away again. Right as Oswald was about to fall into self-loathing and despair again, the bell rang and with zero hope in anything anymore, he looked up. And almost fell off his chair when he saw who had just stepped inside.

Edward looked like he had ran all the way to the café; brown curls falling on his forehead like a messy crow’s nest, glasses adorably crooked and coat open, trailing behind his lanky form as he entered through the front door. He was slightly out of breath and his cheeks were a strong shade of red. He looked around his new surroundings before spotting Oswald staring straight at him from the corner. Ed waved his hand aggressively and rushed over. Before Oswald could even think of anything to say, Edward had already opened his mouth.

“I’m so so so so so sorry, Oswald!” he exclaimed as he practically threw himself on the chair opposite of the raven-haired man. “I didn’t realize it was so late and I- I ran here… Oh dear…” He had seemingly noticed the deep frown on Oswald’s face.

“I thought you weren’t gonna show”, Oswald said and attempted a smile, failing massively. He had no idea what he was feeling at that moment. At the same time he was mad at Ed for showing up an hour late with a terrible explanation, sad that he wasn’t Ed’s number one priority, yet also so relieved to see the man’s face. The latest emotion was quickly overtaking everything else his mind had to offer.

“I’m seriously sorry”, Edward repeated as he took off his coat and brushed it on the backrest of his chair. “It’s just, man, you have no idea what happened!”

“At least you’re here now”, Oswald murmured, a very faint smile on his lips – at least that one was genuine. “Wait, what did happen?”

“I will tell you if you promise to keep a secret”, Edward said, already leaning over the table. He stared at Oswald with an intense expression, but with an adorable smile on his lips.

“Promise”, Oswald said, curiosity taking over. He leaned in too, close enough to hear Edward whisper. Ed looked away for a second before giggling a little bit, cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of pink.

“Well, the thing is”, he said and bit his lip with a smile. Oswald’s heart skipped a beat. They were so close. He could smell Edward’s deodorant, and the faint smell of his liquorice chewing gum. His lips looked so soft…

“Oswald, I think I’m in love.”

Whatever Oswald had possibly expected, it certainly was not what came out of Ed’s mouth. For a long moment he just stared at the brunette, mouth slowly falling more and more open while nothing cam out of it. Edward stared back, the same excited smile imprinted on his face. He looked like he was going to burst into tiny sparkly hearts at any moment. “I-“, Oswald tried to get something out of his mouth, but to no avail, only managing to blush deeply.

“I guess I should elaborate on that”, Edward said, laughing nervously. “You see, I met this adorable girl names Isabella and god, she is just the sweetest thing! We bonded…”

The rest of Edward’s words blurred into inconsequential white noise in Oswald’s ears. It was like his brain had suddenly switched off and at the same time his heart had literally shattered into a million pieces – all thanks to the one sentence Edward had exclaimed. The waves of reality began washing over him. Edward didn’t love him. Ed did not love him. He was in love with a girl. A girl he’d just met. A girl. Not a boy. He was not into Oswald. Or boys.

Edward was still talking, but stopped mid-sentence when Oswald suddenly stood up, almost making his chair fall over. “I’m sorry, I have to go”, Oswald said, picking up his bag from the ground. He tried to look anywhere except into Ed’s eyes. Edward looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. Fucking hell, he had no right to look that pretty, Oswald thought as he very quickly glanced over at the confused boy.

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked, also standing up with upturned eyebrows. He tried to grab Oswald’s arm, but he snatched it off, looking ready to bite Ed if he tried to touch him again.

“Just gotta, um, go”, Oswald said, voice breaking on the last word. He turned away before Ed managed to see the hot tears streaming down his pale face. He ran past Ecco who had just appeared from behind the counter with Oswald’s drink in hand, and didn’t even stop to explain himself as he stormed into the bathroom of the coffee shop. Ecco stared after him, completely flabbergasted. Then she turned to look at the table he had ran away from and met Edward’s eyes, both of them just as confused.

Oswald was lucky in the sense that the bathroom was empty upon his arrival. He barely had the time to lock the door before he already started sobbing out loud. He slumped on the ground against the door and buried his face in his knees. _Stupid Oswald, stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Of course Edward Nygma was straight! Why wouldn’t he be? And even if by some miracle he was bi or something, obviously he would not be into a snivelling weirdo like Oswald! That was a ridiculous idea! Yet somehow, everyone had convinced him of that being the case. Barbara, Zsasz, maybe even Edward himself with his words and actions. All the sweet moments they’d shared… Had he really misread the signs so badly?

He flinched when someone knocked on the bathroom door. He had no intention of opening it, but he did get off the floor and brush the dust off his jeans, sniffling. He looked at himself in the mirror. The non-waterproof mascara and eyeliner were all over his wet face and the tip of his prominent was snotty and red. He looked disgusting. With a shaky breath, he grabbed a couple of paper towels and blew his nose.

“Ozzie, are you okay? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Ecco’s voice sounded worried, almost like the girl was going to cry too. “Ed isn’t with me, okay, baby? Please open the door…”

Oswald didn’t know why but he ended up obeying. As soon as he unlocked the door, it swung open and Ecco rushed into the bathroom, practically throwing herself on top of Oswald. She kicked the door close with one leg while cradling the crying boy in her arms. In any other circumstance Oswald would have pushed her away with a curse, but he actually craved the physical contact at that point, so he just slumped into the hug and buried his face in Ecco’s collarbone. Her uniform would be so dirty after this…

Ecco pet his head for a long time, cooing reassuring words and kissing his temple from time to time, until Oswald finally started to calm down. Oswald really liked this side of Ecco – she was a lot like his mother in the physical affection aspect. At last, he pulled away from the girl’s crushing hug and sniffed, refusing to look at her in the eyes and instead focusing on the floor tiles like they were the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

“What did he do, pudding?” Ecco asked softly, swiping the makeup off of his cheek. “Do I gotta go rough him up for ya?”

“No!” Oswald finally spoke up, facing the girl’s heavily lined eyes. “First of all, I can take care of myself if I need roughing up”, he said, but his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence and it just invalidated his whole argument.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to beat someone up together than alone!” Ecco said almost cheerfully and pat Oswald’s head. “But really, what happened?”

“I- he just…”, Oswald mumbled, unsure of what to say. The tears were stinging his eyes again but he didn’t want to burst into another breakdown. Not in front of Ecco. He sighed, closing his eyes, and took Ecco’s hand. “Not only was he an hour late, but then he fucking came in a-and… and he said he was in love!”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Ecco asked, raising her painted eyebrows. Oswald laughed hoarsely and shook his head.

“He wasn’t talkin’ about me.”

“Oh”, Ecco’s face fell and she looked ready to embrace Oswald again, but Oswald stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I was so fucking dumb to think h-he actually liked me”, he said and laughed again even though there was absolutely nothing about the situation. It was a common coping mechanism for him. “Fuck…”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry”, Ecco said, and she truly seemed to stand by her words. Another thing to love about her; she was always so sympathetic and wasn’t scared to show it. An absolute sweetheart. “Hey, I’ve an idea!” she exclaimed out of nowhere, making Oswald jump a bit by the sudden change of tone.

“What is it?” he asked, slightly scared to hear the answer.

“My shift ends in 20 minutes and Ivy’s gonna pick me up. Wait in the back and come with us? Maybe a couple of drinks? A girl’s night!” She sounded so excited that Oswald simply couldn’t say no.

“That… sounds okay”, he admitted, making Ecco squeal. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, undoubtedly leaving a strong lipstick stain on there, and squeezed his shoulder.

“I’ll bring ya some makeup wipes so you can clean up, okay?”

“Bring me a smoke, too, would you?” Oswald sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“As long as you don’t smoke it in here”, she snickered.

In fifteen minutes Oswald had managed to dry the last of his tears and clean up his face. He was barefaced, which he didn’t really like, but at the same time he was about to hang out with Ecco and Ivy, probably two of the most unjudgmental and kind people he knew. So perhaps it would be okay. He snuck out the backdoor of the coffee shop and smoked a well-deserved cigarette. He even managed to smile as he looked at Ecco’s bright pink Hello Kitty lighter. Small victories. He refused to let his mind travel to Ed; if, by accident, it did, he immediately thought of something else. He couldn’t fool himself, though. It was going to take a lot of booze to forget this afternoon.

Ivy arrived to the backside parking lot in her bright green Volkswagen Beetle a little past 4:30. Ecco had joined Oswald on the back of the shop and rushed over to greet her girlfriend with a soul-crushing hug. Ivy screeched loudly when Ecco jumped on top of her. “Baby no! The cupcakes!!”

“Ooooh, right!! Sorry sorry”, Ecco giggled and got off of Ivy, grabbing the small package she was holding in one hand. She gestured Oswald to come over, and he walked lazily up to them, cigarette still between his lips. He did, however, throw it to the ground and stomp it before Ivy had the chance to yell at him for ruining the nature and his lungs at the same time. Ecco held out the package in front of Oswald’s face and smiled brightly. “Look what Ivy got you!”

Oswald opened the packaging curiously to reveal four big chocolate cupcakes. The mere sight of them made him forget all his worries for a split second. “My faves”, he said, looking up at Ivy who smiled at him as she grabbed Ecco’s small hand in hers.

“Ecco said you were sad so I stopped by at the bakery to grab a lil somethin’ somethin’”, she said. Oswald felt like he was going to burst out of sheer love for the two women in front of him.

“I don’t deserve you two”, he muttered as he grabbed one of the cupcakes and took a huge bite.

“And you don’t deserve to be treated like you were!” Ivy exclaimed all of sudden, crossing her arms with a pout. “I’m gonna have a few words with Mr. Ed Nygma when I see him on Monday.”

“God please don’t”, Oswald murmured, mouth full of the cupcake.

“Are we gonna drop at my place, then?” Ecco asked, hanging keenly from Ivy’s neck. “I already kinda sorta texted Babs and Vicky we’d go there.”

“Oh great”, Oswald said after swallowing. “I can tell about my awful dating life to everyone in my social group!”

“Better to cry on someone’s arms than alone into your beer in a shitty gay bar”, Ivy stated, and Oswald honestly couldn’t argue with that. After finishing the first cupcake, Oswald climbed into the Beetle’s backseat and reached over to turn on the radio while Ivy and Ecco still smooched on the parking lot. The blasting of Linkin Park startled both of the girls, but Oswald just smiled contently and buried himself in another cupcake.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no upload schedule for this since i also have no clue where this is going but let me know how you feel about this! uwu


End file.
